Monthly Archives: May 2014

To the lady ashamed of being pregnant with her fourth

I met you in the elevator on my way back from the pediatrician’s office. It was just me and Wren, and you looked at her fondly in her stroller. When the elevator doors opened, you very kindly held the doors open for me. As I clumsily maneuvered the stroller past you, I accidentally ran over your foot. “Don’t worry about it,” you assured me over my profuse apologies. “I have three children myself,” you revealed to me. My eyes traveled to your big belly. There was an awkward pause as I wondered if I could assume you were pregnant. “And I’m expecting my fourth,” you admitted. “Congratulations!,” I tell you. “That is wonderful!” I see the relief spread across your face. “Thank you!” you say, and I could tell you meant it. “You have no idea how many people offer their condolences when they find out this is my fourth. Or they ask me if this was planned.” “How rude of them,” I reply. “All children are a blessing.” read more

Traveling with littles

A mommy friend gave me the inspiration for this post. Keep the suggestions coming!

We just returned from a week long vacation with two toddlers and a babe, and I am happy to say it was a success! Good times were had by all, and Ruth only asked to go home a handful of times (she is such a homebody). Here are some things that proved helpful to us:

1) Sleep. Pack n plays are your friend! Bring as many as you have babies. Bring the blankets, loveys, and pacis that they are used to to make it feel more like home. Scott brought all their favorite bed time books too, and the girls were glad to have them. read more

Give a Mom a break!

Mommy judgmentalism. This topic has been weighing on my mind a lot lately. I sincerely enjoy following other moms’ blogs and Instagram feeds, just to support them and commiserate, if need be. But most importantly, each mother experiences motherhood uniquely, and I find that fascinating. But when some of these mothers share their experiences, they can be inundated with a barrage of judgments and vitriolic comments from their fellow mothers! It blows my mind. Motherhood is one of the most difficult journeys we as women can undertake, as evidenced by all of the risks that come along with pregnancy and childbirth, psychological afflictions only associated with motherhood, and not to mention the enormous responsibility of this helpless human’s survival depending entirely on you. If there is ever a calling that needed endless solidarity and support, it is motherhood! And yet it is in mothers that we find the most divisive and discouraging behavior toward their fellow mothers! read more

Potty training thoughts and reflections

When I decided to begin potty training Ruthie, I had no idea where to start. I went out and excitedly bought her some big girl underwear with her favorite characters on them, a potty seat, and a stool. Then, when I got home, it dawned on me that I had no idea where to start. I did some trial runs of putting Ruthie on the potty, but the results were inconclusive.

So, like any mom nowadays, I turned to google and Pinterest for help. Apparently, the so-called three day method is all the rage these days. I was pregnant with my third with a toddler and a baby at that time, and after reading up on the three day method, I decided that was definitely not an option. I could not be watching the baby while waddling after the toddler to catch her every time she started having an accident. So the potty training plans were put on hold until after the baby came. read more

Our favorite small businesses for clothing for littles

Disclaimer: I have not been paid to endorse any of these companies. Because, let’s be honest, none of them has heard of this blog. I love their products to pieces, despite their oblivion to awesome blogs, though. On to my list!

1) Freshly Picked moccasins.

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When I saw these puppies on Instagram, it was love at first sight. They are so perfect for baby feet because they are hardy, soft soled, and, most importantly, stay on their feet! They are a bit pricey at $60, but if you take into account the fact that your usual pair of good baby shoes is $30 and you can size up a size or two and they will fit for a long time on your baby’s feet without coming off due to the elastic around the ankle, they are a good investment. My second daughter wore one pair of moccs for six months! Also, they are such good quality, they will last through more than one baby. Mine have lasted through three! read more

Birth Control: why I ditched the hormones and embraced NFP

Before I got married, I went to the gynecologist to get my first prescription for some birth control pills. Even though I was Catholic, it just seemed like it was the thing everyone automatically does. However, a few months before my wedding, I got curious about natural family planning and decided to take a few courses in it. Just so I at least knew what I was turning down.
I must admit, it did seem pretty overwhelming and a hassle for my first few classes. It involved a lot of charting and knowing how your body works. But then I paused and thought a moment. Despite all that extensive sex ed throughout my school days, I had no idea how my own fertility worked! I didn’t know what days I could conceive, I had no idea when I ovulated, and I barely noticed what my body did on a monthly basis. It was blowing my mind how much I was learning about basic female function that had been completely ignored in my primary education.
Then, I started learning more about the pill and the other forms of hormonal contraception, and it just didn’t appeal to me at all. I mean, if I don’t like synthetic hormones in my food, why would I want to be ingesting them daily through birth control? And it elevates your risk for breast cancer? And it just sounded like a pain to have to go to the OBGYN every so many months to get injected or have something shoved up my ….. well, you get the idea.
So I decided to make the commitment to use NFP. Luckily, my husband was very supportive, because he is awesome like that. That is why I married him. And we have never turned back after four years of marriage.
There are several different methods of NFP. They all involve knowing exactly when the woman is fertile and abstaining from sex on those days, which usually lasts about 5-10 days, depending on what kind of cycle the woman is having that month. Or, you can have sex those days if you are planning on having a baby, and you tend to get pregnant WAY sooner than if you are just winging it.
We started with the Marquette method when we first got married, which worked perfectly (with the exception of one slip up that I can only blame on us being newlyweds and throwing caution to the wind). But, Marquette was too difficult for me to use once I started breastfeeding, so we switched to the Creighton Method, which I like a whole lot better.
Common myths about NFP:
1) It is ineffective. False! Its effectiveness depends entirely on you. Instead of you medicating yourself and just hoping you’re not part of that 1-15% that gets pregnant on birth control anyway, you know if you had sex during one of your fertile days that a baby is a definite possibility. And if you do get pregnant, you don’t have to worry about that increased risk of ectopic pregnancy that comes with certain methods of contraception.
2) It is just for crazy Catholics. There has been a huge amount of NFP users in the more crunchy crowd in an effort to reduce their hormone intake and lead more natural lives. And it is great for breastfeeding mamas who are trying to keep their diet as wholesome for baby as possible. Also, a lot of women are finding that hormonal birth control makes them feel ill and want an alternative. It is also helpful for couples that have had some difficulties trying to conceive, and want to find out for sure if they are doing everything right before they spend all that money on fertility treatments.
I always think it is hilarious that people think that couples who use NFP and have lots of children is proof that it doesn’t work. Because who would have lots of children on purpose?! Well, we would. But if you aren’t super into kids right now, that is ok too. NFP will still work for you, with a little bit of self control, and a whole lot more communication and appreciation for the amazing things your body can do. read more

How to comfort and be there for someone experiencing a miscarriage

A dear friend gave me the inspiration for this post. Many women suffer through miscarriages alone because they are afraid of what their friends and family will do or say. And for good reason! Some people said the most outrageous things to me after my miscarriages, like, “maybe you should just go ahead and get your tubes tied,” or “when are you going to just get over it?” Or the worst one: “At least you didn’t lose a real baby!”

Before I begin on how to comfort someone dealing with miscarriage, let me first describe to you how she might be feeling about the whole thing right now. As anyone who has been pregnant knows, you feel an instant connection with the little human in your womb from the instant you see that positive pregnancy test. You love him/her (them!) already. From the moment you realize you’re pregnant, it consumes 99% of your thoughts and feelings. And when you realize you are miscarrying, you feel like one of your children has died. Probably because one of your children has died. And I’m not comparing it to when someone has lost a child who had already been born because that is ludicrous. You don’t see mothers who have lost 20 year olds trying to compare their grief to mothers who have lost 5 year olds. It is incomparable other than the fact that they are all grieving. My point is that mothers who have experienced miscarriage should be allowed to grieve too. Which brings me to my first bit of advice: read more

Wren’s Birth Story Part Two: Our little bird

I felt like someone had rudely awoken me from a nice nap and looked around, irritated. I looked at the anesthesiologist staring back at me and realized, with a jolt, where I was and what had happened. The OB cheerfully said I was all done and they wheeled me back to recovery. I was really looking forward to getting to hold my baby and nurse her for the first time.

The nurse started fussing with me when I arrived in the recovery room. And I recall feeling sleepy and annoyed. “Where is my baby?,” I asked her. She looked at me like a deer in head lights. “You’re bleeding,” she said blankly. “From my incision?” I asked her. “No,” she answered distractedly as she started bustling about. “Internally?,” I guessed. “No!,” she said emphatically, as if I was intentionally bothering her with dumb questions. She yelled for the OB. He came in and inspected me. He murmured something to the nurse about clots and put on some very long gloves. He then did something that felt like he was plunging his hand through my incision and then yanking around all my internal organs. I found myself screaming in pain again and scaring another batch of poor women being prepped for their C sections. The nurse ameliorated the situation by plunging a gigantic needle into my thigh to stop the blood bath. The OB then smiled at me, and declared that all was well. I sobbed at him and found it difficult to agree. The nurse looked uncertainly at him, and he told her to pull out all the stops on my pain medication. That, at least, gave me some relief. read more

Wren’s Birth Story- Part 1 (be careful what you wish for)

I love birth stories. Because I have had all scheduled C’s, I used to scour the internet for them and eat them up! I loved reading about the shock, the excitement, the surprise, the spontaneity! Until Wren, my birth stories were painfully boring. We just made all of the arrangements, strolled into the hospital at our scheduled time, and a few minutes after being on the operating table our baby had arrived. I really felt like I had been robbed of a fascinating and memorable birth tale. Be careful what you wish for . . . . read more

Our struggle with miscarriages

When I got married, we were avoiding getting pregnant because we were still in law school and wanted a few years “just to enjoy each other.” Because I am Catholic, we were practicing natural family planning . Well, since the failure rate of NFP is strictly human error and we were newlyweds, I ended up getting pregnant much sooner than expected. Two months into our marriage, in fact. Due to our culture’s attitude toward pregnancy (namely, that if you aren’t a 35 year old married millionaire, your Life. Is. Over), I was duly horrified and grief stricken.
I informed my husband and our family, and was pleasantly surprised that everyone was really happy and excited about it. It is amazing how after the initial shock of discovering you are pregnant, you really start getting excited about it yourself. At about six weeks pregnant, I started bleeding. After a pretty traumatic trip to the ER, I was informed I was miscarrying. I felt like I should be relieved to hear that (I mean, I was so upset about finding out I was pregnant in the first place), but all I felt was incredibly sad. I grieved the loss of our baby.
Some friends and family members were very kind and supportive after our miscarriage. They brought us food and sent us sweet notes. Others were noticeably confused by my reaction. It made me feel confused at how sad I was, which made me feel even worse.
After about a year, I was overwhelmed by an irresistible case of baby fever. My first pregnancy had transformed me into this baby hungry woman that never in my wildest dreams I thought I would be. I was going to be a lawyer, for heaven’s sake! My husband and I got pregnant a second time, and I was ecstatic.
Eight weeks into the pregnancy, I started bleeding again. My heart sank into my feet. We went to the ER again. Tears filled my eyes in the waiting room as I asked my husband the question I was terrified to ask out loud, but it had to be said. What if I can’t have children? My husband assured me that we would deal with it together, and adopt if that is what we feel called to do. I nodded, knowing that was the perfect answer, but the tears wouldn’t stop. The ultrasound tech turned the screen away from us, and refused to answer any questions. All she said was, “are you on fertility treatments?” “No,” we answered, confused. They sent us home to make an appointment with my OB, befuddled and scared.
My OB informed me I was pregnant with eight week old twins, and there were no heartbeats. He was going to give it another day to measure my hcg levels to make sure the twins were dead, and if so, schedule a D&C. My levels dropped, and the D&C was scheduled. We went to the hospital for my surgery, and a nun walked into the room while I was being prepped for surgery. We asked her to pray for us.
Everyone was just as kind this second time. I was so grief stricken, I didn’t know what to do. I never in a million years would have guessed that we would struggle with recurrent miscarriage. I scoured the internet for answers and asked my OB what we should do. He told me I could spend lots of money frustrating myself trying to figure out our underlying issue, and quite possibly never find any answers. He told me that before I tried that, to follow his advice. I agreed and here is what he told me:
1) Gain weight. I was about 103 lbs at the time. He advised that I gain about 20 lbs. That seemed IMPOSSIBLE at the time, but I managed 10 lbs drinking 1 Boost a day.
2) Wait at least three normal menstral cycles before trying to conceive again. This also seemed impossible, but we waited.
3) When we got pregnant again, he immediately put me on progesterone supplements, just in case it was an inadequate progesterone level problem.
4) I also took low dose aspirin every day once I found out I was pregnant (internet research suggestion). My OB said that this was a total placebo, but let me do it if it made me feel like I was helping.
5) My OB was sweet enough to let me come in every other week of my first trimester just to watch my baby grow on the ultrasound.
6) I didn’t consume any caffeine the first trimester (another internet research suggestion). read more