I have always loved mommy blogs. They are the only blogs I read, really. I have studied the art of the popular mommy blog intently, trying to unlock their secrets because I wanted to someday have a mommy blog of my own. I eventually compiled a list of trends I saw in all of the popular mommy blogs and melodramatically decided that I could never have a blog, because I met none of these standards. The list I have compiled is as follows:
1) Forget your camera phone. You need a professional grade camera to haul around taking photos of your kids. And your children must be able to pose in the middle of whatever adorable thing they are doing. And they must be immaculately clean and sporting the latest fashions. They also tend to nap in picturesque places (like outdoors or in your chic bed) or cuddle with adorable animals while napping. Bonus points for taking professional grade photos with your iPhone.
2) You must live in an interesting place. Either in a major city or out in the wilderness. The suburbs are not interesting. No one wants to hear about the hotbed of intrigue that is your cul de sac.
3) You must take your children to fascinating and fun places on the regular. If not, then make sure you are at home inventing some Pinterest worthy crafts.
4) Your entire family must be gorgeous. Because, duh.
5) Your home decor must be straight out of the catalogue of a young, hip, bohemian Martha Stewart. There must be no clutter, and no evidence that children live there except for a few well staged handmade toys.
6) No list posts. (Whoops).
7) No controversial posts. (Whoops again).
After reviewing this list, I had resigned myself for years to never having a successful blog. But, here I am, blogging anyway against all odds. Perhaps I’ll find a niche in the messy house, suburban, if we even make it out of the house it’s a small miracle corner of the blogosphere. I’ll end with exhibit “A.” While the popular mommy blogs tend to utilize a lot of white space in their photos, I came up with this:
So. Many. Patterns.